....in which I am threatened with being sent to jail.
Yes, really. A man phoned me up and ended up telling me that I wouldn't be laughing when I was behind bars, just before he hung up on me. The sequence of events that led to this proclamation of doom went like this:
My wife answered the phone. They asked for me, and I found myself speaking to a (clearly Indian, although that's irrelevant) gentleman who proceeded to tell me that he was a "Microsoft Certified Technician" and that my computer had been sending out messages or some such thing (I think the gist of it was that my machine had some sort of deadly virus but I pretty much stopped listening at that point, as I've had this kind of call before).
If I'd listened he would probably have told me that he'd got this information from the "International Routing System"; but I wasn't listening. I said "Before you start your scam, you should know I'm a software developer and a Microsoft Certified Professional (I really am, although my certification is in an ancient programming language that nobody uses any more) and I'm not going to fall for it", and then he started getting pretty cross and told me I could end up in court.
At which point I burst out laughing. If he'd had any sense he'd just have stopped at the point where I told him I knew it was a scam to save the phone bill, but no. Even after I'd laughed at his threat of court action (quite what I was going to be taken to court for I'm not sure) he carried on, telling me that "You won't be laughing when you're behind bars". At which point I virtually went into hysterics.
I then I said I'd like him to answer some questions (I was going to ask him what my I.P. address is - after all, if he knows there's a problem with my computer specifically he must know that as there's no other way of identifying a computer on the Internet). I never got chance though - as soon as I said I was going to ask questions he hung up.
Now, here's the thing. My ISP do sometimes make this kind of call, or email me. It's happened once or twice when a relative has called round with a PC infected with a virus which I've had to connect to my network to clean up. However, to my certain knowledge, neither Microsoft nor anybody associated with them will ever make this kind of call. There is such a thing as a Microsoft Certified Technician but the clear purpose here was just to associate themselves with Microsoft in some way so that I'd trust them.
Here's the other thing: I write software for a living. I've been doing it for 10 years or so, and if there was such a thing as the International Routing System that sent your personal details to Microsoft every time there was a system error I'm pretty sure I'd have heard of it.
A quick search on google (other search engines are available) for "International Routing System" will bring up several articles which will tell you in no uncertain terms that this is a scam. If you listen to them they will get you to go to a website, get control of your computer by remote control (at which point they'll have access to whatever unencrypted data you have on your hard drive) and then probably try to persuade you to buy some anti-virus software (which won't actually be anti-virus software at all, in all probability). See the articles above for more details...
However, I do worry that people who are less technically knowledgeable might be taken in, particularly with the high pressure tactic of them claiming that you might be in legal trouble if you don't. So here's a warning: if you do get a call like this, hang up. Unless you're technically adept and have time, in which case string them along for as long as possible so they can't call anybody else who might be taken in.
So, a blog with a serious point. Although I thought it was very funny (and so did my wife, who was sitting next to me while I took the call), it could be you paying £79 for software that does nothing plus the risk of having your personal details stolen...
